notarrowette | Voice Mail/Contact Post

Hi. Yes. Thanks. I. I wanted to....um. Have you. I talked to Bart earlier and...he was...upset.

He said he doesn't want to be on the team anymore.

I... yeah. He mentioned that. Well, he told me he fought with you, and then he went for a run, and. Yeah. He told me about the team.

Yeah, we. I told him about me and Tim and that was his reaction. I'm sorry it. I'm....sorry.

It's... Honestly, Cassie, that's all he told me. That he was fighting with you, blaming himself for what happened, that you and Tim are--still together. And that he wanted to go for a run to calm down, and--doesn't want to be on the team now.

Can you tell me what's going on?

He shouldn't blame himself. ...

I. Okay. Tim and I...yes, we're...we're in love, Cissie. And it's not fair but I. He. He said I make him happy and whole and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and I want that, too. And I. Bart says it's bad. But I -- I -- it's not. It's. Love.

No one wants to be on the team right now. We're not a team right now, we're...just. Just tell him to think about it...a couple days...he's so...fast.

He does, though. Because he says it was his idea.

I... ::deep breath:: I know you love him. And. I want my friends to be happy. I don't--I don't think love is bad, or the fact that you love Tim is bad, necessarily. I think the way this happened is bad. The situation is bad. The circumstances suck. It's--I don't know, Cassie.

...I know. And I don't know what to say or think about that, either. But. Bart is fast. He thinks fast. It takes him minutes to process what we're still reeling over after a few days. So, I mean--and he's always thinking. That's why sometimes he says things that we don't really understand, but that do make sense in the end. Because he's always thinking. But. I'll tell him to give everyone time. I don't know. ...What do you think? About--the team?

I know. But he shouldn't. Because it's not his fault. The circumstances suck because of me. The way it happened is...horrible. I know. I can't. I can't excuse any of it. But we're here now and all there is is forward.

I know he's -- {gasps a few times}
Right. Okay. Right.

I don't think. I think -- we shouldn't -- make -- -- decisions -- about the team -- right now.

Cassie, breathe. Okay? Just--take a deep breath.

::quiet for a moment::

I don't think he should blame himself. And I don't think you should blame yourself. I don't think one person is to blame for this. You all three made choices and however we all wound up here is... It's not one person's fault. Or two people. I don't know. I don't think playing the blame game is going to help anyone. So I wish you wouldn't do it, and I wish Bart wouldn't do it. Or any of us.

::pauses, and softly:: I wasn't defending Bart, if that's how it came across. I was just saying that... I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying. ::sighs:: Maybe you're right.

It didn't -- it sounded like -- like you think Bart can -- that he knows -- better -- and -- and if you think -- he shouldn't -- -- blame himself then -- then -- he doesn't. He can't -- he -- he doesn't know -- everything about me. This is -- I shouldn't -- I -- -- I'm sorry. I can't breathe.

{holds her breath}

I just want. ...Time.

::quiet for a while::

Oh. That's not--Cassie, please calm down. Just... take a minute and breathe, okay?

::another pause:: I don't... know what you were trying to say, exactly. But I don't think Bart knows better. And--he does blame himself. No matter what I say.

You can have time, Cass, just... Time for what? YJ? ...Us? I don't... Yeah. Maybe. I don't know.

{forces her breathing to calm while Cissie speaks}

You said Bart is always thinking and right in the end.

{deep breath} I don't -- understand why it has to be decided now when everything is -- I -- Everyone is so angry and hurting and -- and you're right, we shouldn't play the blame game. But we shouldn't play the snap decision game either. YJ is -- it's not as if -- Why can't we just wait? Why does everything have to be now all the time? It's bad right now -- but maybe -- I think -- I want -- someday it won't be -- bad -- Cissie -- someday -- -- it will be...

{softly crying} Nothing lasts forever.

That's not exactly what I--I don't know what to say. I'm sorry you thought I meant he's always right. Sometimes he is. Not always. I don't--

::pauses, and is a little tense:: I know. I know nothing lasts. We have time. We don't have to decide about the team right now, and it's not just us, anyway. Steph, Cass and Kara are involved now, too. So--I don't know. Maybe we put it on hiatus for now. Or wait and ask opinions. We'll see.

Edited 2009-06-09 16:43 (UTC)

It's how it sounded and when he says things it's how it sounds, too. I don't. I know you don't. I'm sorry. I'm....really, really sorry. I never -- I didn't think. About. Or. I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm just very sorry I messed this up for you, Cissie. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry too. And--I don't know, either. I just--

...It's not just you, Cassie, and it's not just me. There are a lot of people who can try to take some blame or responsibility, and a lot of people who are just caught in the aftermath, I guess. It's just--how it is. I think we just have to wait and see. And yeah. Give it time. It'll--work out. Somehow.

....Okay. I don't. I love you, Cissie. I hope you. I. I'll...talk to you later.

You... ::sigh:: I love you too, Cass. I'm sorry.

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