Bart, you've got some 'splaining to do!

[notarrowette]

[RP with nokidflash, following this]

Cissie closed her laptop and buried her face in her hands. She had thirty-five minutes before Bart showed up, and she was going to need all of them. She'd spent the last twenty hours or so in something of a daze, not really believing the reality of Bart being gone and clinging to the idea that he would come back. And despite all the arguing about blame and "stopping" Bart, she just hadn't been able to place blame anywhere. The idea that Bart had left on purpose was just not something she had been able to grasp yet.

But now Bart was back, and saying that he not only knew what he'd been doing, but that he had done it--he'd left them--without knowing if he could come back.

Five minutes before Bart was due to arrive, Cissie stopped crying and went to wash her face. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, grimacing. She looked horrible, like she'd been crying all day. Her eyes were red and swollen and her face was splotchy and pale. She just couldn't bring herself to care, though. So she splashed more water on her face, went to change her t-shirt and wait for Bart.

Comments

[nokidflash.livejournal.com]

Bart knew he had a lot of explaining to do. To everyone. Well, maybe not Kon. Kon seemed fine with it right away, which was both awesome and unsurprising. He'd done is explaining to Tabby, along with a lot of other talking, that morning before he'd even told anyone else he was back.

Cissie was next. He knew Tim could wait. He knew Cassie had Tim and Kon to lean on. And Steph was off the radar right now.

So Bart went to Cissie's house, as promised. The half hour prior to getting there had been spent acquiring a few things, so when he knocked on her door he was holding a small box with several brown bags on it. Cissie opened the door and Bart bit his lip. She looked terrible. All the things he'd been thinking of saying just disappeared from his head, and he sighed.

"I... uh. Know I said I wouldn't get you these," Bart started, holding out the box. "But I thought it made more sense. So. Flours. Here you go."

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

Cissie opened the door and saw Bart standing there with the box full of bags of flour, just like in the movie, and looking contrite. Any yelling she'd been planning on doing was lost and all she could do was start crying again.

[nokidflash.livejournal.com]

"You're not supposed to cry!" Bart wasn't sure what to do. Everyone had been upset, sure, but it was upset that veered more towards anger. And here he was, standing in Cissie's doorway with his arm full of flour, and she was crying.

"I'm sorry."

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

Cissie shook her head, swiping at her eyes and dragging in a shaking breath. She just needed to compose herself. She reached out and took the box of flours from him, frowning deeply. "What did you think I'd do, Bart? I thought you were gone."

[nokidflash.livejournal.com]

"Hit me?" He followed her into the house. "That's why I'm sorry. I didn't want everyone to worry, I just had to go. I couldn't stay the way I was."

The fact that she hadn't hit was a little worrying.

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

She set the box on the kitchen counter and turned around, leaning against the counter and crossing her arms over her chest protectively, like doing so would hold her together. "You left. On purpose. And--did you even think about coming back at all?"

[nokidflash.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, Bart said." He was standing a few feet in front of her, arms at his sides. "Yes. I wouldn't be here I hadn't. I just hurt, Cissie. Everything hurt so much. Not just Tabby - "

Bart sighed. "I found out something happened this last weekend and it just... something snapped in side of me. And everything I've been holding back since I... died came out. And I ran. And I ran until I wasn't me anymore."

This doesn't get easier to say, no matter who he explains it it. "But there was enough of me left to come back. To want to come back."

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

Cissie looked down at his feet, frowning slightly while he talked. She didn't exactly know what to say to that. "I know you hurt," she said finally, quietly. "I just--I wish you had talked to us. Or--I don't even know, Bart. I just. I thought we'd lost you again, and--" She had to stop because if she kept going, she was going to cry again.

[nokidflash.livejournal.com]

"I didn't know how." And it was the truth. Bart was very very quiet when he said it. "You know me, I just do stuff. I don't talk. I didn't know how to tell anyone what was happening. But I was the right me, you know? I was broken."

He took a step towards her. "I fix myself. Don't cry, Cissie." Another step. "You can hit me all you want, but please don't cry." And then he hugged her; a nice, warm, all-encompassing Bart!hug. That hadn't changed.

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

Cissie was prepared to push Bart away, but the moment he started hugging her, she forgot all about that and just sank against him and held on. She pushed her face into his shoulder, crying even though he told her not to. She made a fist and pounded it against his shoulder once. "Can you try talking now?"

[nokidflash.livejournal.com]

"Ow, hey." It didn't really hurt, but Bart felt like he had a part to play. "Yeah, I can try."

He didn't let go of her, just pulled back a little. "What do you want to know?"

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

She sniffled, still leaning heavily against him, and shrugged a shoulder. "I don't know. You said something happened, and--you were broken. I'm just trying to--understand, I guess."

[nokidflash.livejournal.com]

"Yeah." Bart took a breath and tried to arrange his thoughts. It was so much easier than it had been. "It started with Kon. And then I went and lived another life somewhere else, and when I came back all that was left... I was the only one of my kind, which meant I had to be the Flash, whether I wanted to or not. And I had wanted it, but I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for all of it. And I missed my friends. And there was so much that I had to do, and then the Rogues took it all from me."

He remembered that night. Cassie and Tim told him he died, and he had seen the Black Flash, but... he thought it had only been a coma. And when he'd woken up, Valerie had been by his bedside. And so had Wally and Barry. "And then everything with Barry coming back, and the anti-life, and the gods, and I felt alone, you know? I was Kid Flash and then I was the Flash and then I wasn't anything. Just... alone. That's when I met Tabby."

Bart's voice was calm. It really didn't hurt anymore, not like it had. "I don't know when I fell in love with her, but I didn't mean to, and then I did. And because I'm... was... me, I made it worse with Mia and acting like a child, and not telling Tabby how I felt. So when Sam came back I thought I'd lost her forever. And that was stupid, because I'd never had her. So when I found out she... they..." It was private, no matter what Julian had put in Sally's journal, so Bart didn't expand. "Everything that was inside me just collapsed. And I ran and I didn't want to come back."

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

Cissie listened quietly while he talked and remained quiet when he finished, trying to order her thoughts. She sighed a little and rubbed at her face again. "I'm sorry," she said finally, quietly. "I'm sorry you felt that way. I don't really know what to say now, Bart. Except that... when you died, it broke us. Broke me. Even if things were weird and not right since before Kon died. And I know you've been hurting lately and unhappy because of Tabby and Mia, but I thought." She stopped and shrugged. It was easier to say this when she was hiding against his shoulder like this. "I thought things were better now, that we were all trying to reconnect and move forward and be there for each other, and--I didn't ever think you would do something like this. That you would run and leave us if you had a choice in the matter."

[nokidflash.livejournal.com]

"I didn't have a choice." He knew that was the hard part to explain. "If I stayed, I wasn't good to anybody. As a friend, as a boyfriend, as a hero. I would have... when I punched Kevin, I didn't want to stop. The only thing that kept me from really hurting him was you guys being there. And it wasn't about Kevin. It was about Sam and it was about me and it was about Prime and Inertia, and Libra and... everything. But you guys can't always be there. I was angry because I was hurt and I was hurt because I didn't know how to be the man I'm supposed to be."

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

Cissie wrapped her arms around him and just held on. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I just don't want to lose you. Again. And I don't know how to help, if--if it happens again."

[nokidflash.livejournal.com]

"You're sorry?" Bart laughed a little. He'd expected to get hit, or at least yelled at. Then she'd surprised him by crying. And now she was apologizing?

"Don't be sorry. It was me, it wasn't you. I moved too fast for myself, and I couldn't catch up. But while I was the Speed Force I realize... that's it exactly. When I'm stopped I'm stopped, and when I move... I move so fast that everything's slow." He sighed, knowing his words probably didn't make sense. "I'm going to take the name Inertia. I'm not Impulse anymore."

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

She stiffened and pulled back to frown at him. "What?"

[nokidflash.livejournal.com]

"Uhhh. Which part? You shouldn't say you're sorry?" He knew that wasn't what she was talking about, but... buying himself some time.

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

"No, the--Inertia killed you! Or as good as."

[nokidflash.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, I know." Bart looks down at their feet. "But that's part of why. I'm taking it back from him."

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

Cissie sighed and extricated her arms from where they were locked around him. She crossed them over her chest. "Okay," she said slowly. "Part of why. The rest being...?"

[nokidflash.livejournal.com]

Bart frowned. If they weren't hugging it was a lot easier for her to hit him. "I'm just not Impulse anymore. But I'm not the Flash either. I'm... Inertia. It's just right. He was me, sort of. Just twisted. I'm the right version."

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

Her frown deepened. "But if he was the twisted version of you--and you want to take his name--" She sighed. "I'm confused."

[nokidflash.livejournal.com]

"And change it. He was wrong, I'm going to be right." Bart shrugged. "I'm sorry you're confused. I don't know how to explain it. You want to go out with me?"