notarrowette | Ten Defining Moments of my Life (and Ten Secrets I Won't Tell)

Two lists for

justprompts.

Ten Defining Moments of My Life (In No Particular Order, Save #1):

1. The first time Tim said he loved me. Our first kiss was pretty defining, too.

2. The night in the woods, and the day I officially quit Young Justice. ~~I think I cried myself to sleep for like a week.~~

3. The Olympics. I had given up on archery until the trials, and the Games had their share of misery and badness, but standing on that podium and receiving that medal? Kind of gave me a new direction.

4. When Harm put that arrow through my shoulder. If he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have had an excuse to go looking for Bart and then there might not have been any Young Justice for me. Which would mean none of my best friends. And no Tim.

5. The first time I picked up a bow. I don’t really remember it, but trying to imagine my life without archery is like trying to imagine someone else’s life.

6. Arrowette’s first night out, and the night I met Bart and Max Mercury called Social Services on my mother. It feels weird to say that was a good thing, but—Mom and I get along better now than we ever did then. Though it really did suck when I was first taken away and put in Elias.

7. When my father died. I was five, but I remember that day perfectly, and I remember that the hospital waiting room had green plastic chairs. People ~~Cassie~~ are surprised when I say that I miss him, but I do. Even if I didn’t remember him—which I do—I would.

8. I was writing my autobiography and figured out that Mom lied, and that Daddy isn’t my biological father. ~~I think Tim knows who that is, but I don’t want to know yet.~~

9. The Crisis. Losing Kon and… that year sucked. And then when things were finally feeling okay again, Bart died, too. Everybody else I love had better just stay safe, because I will kick some serious ass otherwise. ~~Tim. I mean it.~~

10. Can I re-state #1?

[Private but it’s entirely possible that Tim could hack it]

Ten Secrets I Wouldn’t Tell Anyone:

1. I sometimes miss Arrowette. Not the actual heroing, but—my friends. I miss hanging out with them and spending that time with them. The only ones who ever really kept in touch were Tim, Greta, Anita and Cassie--but that's because Greta and Cassie go to school with me, and Mom's dating Ish. I miss my friends. It’s not the same now. It’s just not quite enough to make me want to risk going back.

2. I’m still angry with Cassie. She thinks things are better. But for a year she pretty much ignored me or brushed me aside and I don’t know how many times she told me I "wouldn’t understand" what she was going through. And then she spent all her time with Kara and talked about "my best friend Supergirl" and now suddenly she’s changing her tune and calling me her best friend again and being overly nice and avoiding Kara’s phone calls and all I can do is wonder when Cassie will decide she’s friends with me for the wrong reasons.

3. I’m a jealous person and I hate it. I was jealous of Anita when she first joined YJ, and I was jealous of Speedy when she was a Titan, and I’m jealous of Anita again. I was jealous of Speedy because—when I was little I used to imagine that Green Arrow would rescue me from my mother and make me his sidekick, and obviously that never happened, and here was this blonde girl about my age who got to be with my friends and do what I couldn’t.

4. I’m jealous of Anita and her parents. Since Mom’s been dating Ish, she’s been spending more and more time over there. It’s been a few years now. Mom’s a better mother to those three than she ever was to me, and—I’m jealous.

5. When Kon died, I was volunteering at a hospital and I saw it on the news. Nobody thought it was weird when I started crying in the waiting room, given everything that was happening, but I didn’t get even a phone call for another day. And that was Cassie telling me she wasn’t coming back to school yet.

6. I was angry, after. At Kon. At Bart, for growing up and retreating and not being himself for a while. At Anita and Greta for grieving and moving on and having lives of their own. At Cassie—I’m still mad. And at Tim, for leaving.

I only feel bad for the first two and the last one, because Kon and Bart aren’t here to defend themselves and because Tim had reasons—he needed it, and it was good for him and at least I got some phone calls and post cards.

7. Nobody called me when Bart died, either. I came back from practice and the girls were watching the news in the lounge and it was one of the worst days ever. I had to go hide in my room. Greta came over later, at least. But I didn’t want Greta—I wanted Cassie and Tim, and neither of them spoke with me (or anyone, to be fair) for a few days. It hurt.

8. I know they were protecting me, but being completely ignored—treated like a stranger—at Bart’s funeral? Really hurt.

9. I’m afraid Tim is going to leave me for Steph, now that she’s back. I know he’s said he won’t. But I know how much he loved her, and how broken he was when she died. And now she’s back and… I can’t help being afraid. I don’t want to lose him.

~~I'm afraid he loved her more than he loves me. Which is unfair. But I think I don't entirely understand why he loves me. I'm just too afraid of losing him to question it.~~

10. I worry about Tim. I know he said that he isn’t suicidal anymore, but he was. Which—makes me wonder if there was anything more I could have done. If maybe I was too caught up in myself, or if I didn’t push him hard enough—or if I pushed too hard… If I wasn't there for him... I don’t know. But I worry that even though he tells me he’s better now… what if he’s not? He just… represses so much. I can usually tell, but… Sometimes he doesn't tell me things because he doesn't want me to worry or be upset. I'm afraid that this is one of those things, and--it kind of terrifies me.

I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to him.

OOC: Tim is

mrsarcastic003, and he and Cissie are dating. #8 in the first list is in reference to a fic that hasn’t been posted yet.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Location: Elias

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

mrsarcastic003

You can restate number one as many times as you want, babe. ::grin::

As for eight... I do, yes. And anytime you want to know, I'll tell you. When you're ready.

[locked to Cissie]

5 and 7: I'm sorry--I should have called. I should have made sure someone talked to you and was there with you. I was kind of messed up--wrapped up in my own stupid head--but that's not an excuse. You deserved better than finding out like you did--on both of those. I'm sorry.

6: It was good for me, yeah, but... I'm sorry there was no one there for you. If I could have been in both places at once... but I'm not sure I would have been the best person for you right then. Again--wrapped up in my stupid head.

8: That... yeah. There's no good excuse for that, so I'm not even going to try. We should have been there for you.

9: That's not something you need to worry about, Ciss. Ever. Even if I didn't want to kick her ass ten ways from Sunday for what she did to all of us--I moved on. I loved her, and things got bad--I was going to break up with her, if you remember--and then she died, and I moved on.

And for the record--there's no one I love more than I love you.

10: Okay, that--I'm going to tell you what I told Dick, and hopefully you'll listen better than he did. I own my own issues. It's not your fault, and there wasn't anything you could have done. It was me. Me and my dumb, broken brain.

Nothing's going to happen to me.

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Ten Defining Moments of my Life (and Ten Secrets I Won't Tell)

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