Friends don't let friends repress

[notarrowette]

[RP with butimwondergirl]

Things had been remarkably drama-free since arriving in Yosemite on Friday night--whether it was the drinking that night, or being able to spend a few days out of the van, or finally getting used to being together 24/7, Cissie wasn't sure. But she wasn't going to complain. Even two days in the van heading home had been surprisingly stress-free, save the brief tension between Cassie and Bart when they kind of argued about empathy. They seemed to have moved on quickly, but it reminded Cissie that she had been meaning to find some time to talk with Cassie--if Cassie would open up and actually talk.

She waited until sunset on Wednesday night, when everyone was hanging around the campfire or off teasing swans, in Kon's case. Then she grabbed her camera and cornered Cassie while she was in her tent, asking her if she wanted to go down by the lake to take pictures of the sunset with her.

Comments

[butimwondergirl.livejournal.com]

The bumping was beginning to get annoying. Cassie pressed her lips together and turned to look directly at Cissie. "What kind of reaction are you looking for now? What do you want me to say?"

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

Cissie stopped and looked back at her evenly. It hurt a little that Cassie thought she had an ulterior motive, but since she kind of did, she ignored it. "I'm not looking for any reaction. As for what I want you to say... I just want you to talk to me, Cass. You can say whatever you want."

[butimwondergirl.livejournal.com]

"Okay. Good. I don't want to say anything." She was standing before the words were entirely out of her mouth. "It's our last night, we should do something. To commemorate. What haven't we...oh! Oh, I know!" Cassie actually smiled. "We should do a ghost story that we all contribute to. Like in a round. You know? Come on, let's go ask."

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

Cissie blinked, watching her stand up. She practically saw Cassie switch on her 'I'm-happy-you're-happy-we're-all-going-to-be-happy-now-or-else' mask. She couldn't help sighing and dropped to lie on her back in the sand. "Yeah, okay," she said dully, staring up at the orange sky. "Sounds fun."

[butimwondergirl.livejournal.com]

Cassie looked down and honestly felt badly. Cissie was just trying to be a good friend -- the kind of friend that Cassie has failed to be for her -- and here she is ignoring it. She pressed her lips together again. She can't just say what's wrong. She's not even sure she knows what's wrong...or if what's wrong is actually wrong or she just thinks it is...

"We don't have to go back to the others right away, though," she said and sat back down. She took Cissie's hand in her own. "Is there anything... maybe you want to talk about?"

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

Cissie squeezed Cassie's hand back, taking a moment before turning her head to look at her. "I don't know." Lying liar who lies. She shrugged and pushed herself up.

She brushed the sand out of her hair, using the opportunity to not have to look at Cassie when she spoke. "Sometimes... I know when you're upset about something, or something is bothering you, but you shut down and shut us out instead of letting us help you." She looked away, out over the lake. If she was being honest with herself, she was tired. At this particular moment, it felt like every time she reached out to Cassie and tried to help, she was brushed off, deflected or it made things worse. "We don't have to talk about it, though. We can go tell ghost stories."

There. Now Cassie had an easy-out if she wanted one.

[butimwondergirl.livejournal.com]

Cassie drew circles in the sand with one finger as Cissie spoke. She could feel tears behind her eyes. "I don't mean to shut you out." Her voice is barely above a whisper. "I don't know...some things I don't know how to talk about and other things I feel like...I shouldn't. It's not fair to the rest of you." She blinked, the tears were really threatening. "But I guess that's not fair to you either...I'm sorry."

Why does it so often feel like everything she does hurts someone....or everyone?

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

Cissie reached over and covered Cassie's hand with her own, squeezing it lightly. "It's okay, Cassie. I just... You don't have to bottle everything up inside, you know. It might help to let it out occasionally."

[butimwondergirl.livejournal.com]

Or the universe might shatter into a million pieces... she didn't say. Cassie knew how that would sound. She wasn't so arrogant as to believe it anyway; she was simply scared. Of herself and her feelings and her lack of control. She swallowed the thought and turned her gaze to Cissie's hand on her own.

"...Ask me again in a few days. I just want this trip...I don't want to mess things up when we're so close." Everything still seemed so fragile. The trip had helped with some things but others remained so tenuous or even broken. Cassie worried that pulling even one thread might unravel the whole. "I know there is...stuff...we've put off 'til after to deal with...we'll have plenty to talk about soon."

She took a breath and bumped Cissie's shoulder as she'd done earlier. It was the second time in little over a week Cassie had asked her friend to please give her time and she felt like a jerk to do it. But she was too mixed up to do anything else.

[cisskabob.livejournal.com]

Cissie swallowed her sigh, nodding. She wasn't really surprised that Cassie still wanted to wait--and really, maybe waiting was the best thing, but Cissie worried that waiting would become avoiding and inevitably ignoring. But she couldn't force Cassie to talk if she didn't want to, and she wouldn't.

She was nodding at the sand absently when Cassie bumped her shoulder and she looked at her in surprise. Maybe there was some progress being made. Maybe Cassie would open up and let her friends help her, eventually. Cissie couldn't help smiling a little. She leaned over to bump Cassie in return, then stood up, brushed the sand off her legs.

"Okay. Come on." Cissie offered Cassie a hand to help her up. It was the least she could do. "Let's go tell ghost stories."

Cinematic Musical Fade-Out Ending!!

[butimwondergirl.livejournal.com]

(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes

(Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart
(Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight and I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be wrong
Together we can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do... a total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life, but now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say... a total eclipse of the heart

(Turn around) bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
(Turn around) bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
A total eclipse of the heart